Perhaps, I've just stepped over the threshold into something that I don't even know how to begin to control.

This morning during chapel, I was under the impression that God was speaking directly to me through what the guy had to say. . .although he didn't really say much and what he said was really simple, but it sort of changes my whole world, I think. He spoke on God and strength and on commitment. He rejected this term of commitment and focused on an "outdated" term - surrender.

His point? Well, as Americans we've drifted away from the idea of surrendering to God's will and plan and instead replaced total brokeness with temporary highs. If joy is one of the fruits of the spirit, then those claiming to walk by the spirit should have joy. I've never really considered myself "religious" but I feel like I make too many commitments before God that I never keep. It's not that I've broken any of the commitments I've made in the present, but I've been going about it the wrong way. I make commitment after commitment and when I break that commitment, I make a recommitment and another and another. . .ect. Commitments are more about ME than they need to be and surrender is about giving up your rights and trusting God in everything.

The more I thought, the worse I felt about how I had been going about everything: How many times do I pray for strength when I really just need to let God be my strength? Instead of praying that I'll have a good day, I need to rest in knowing that as long as I allow God to be in control, everything will go smoothly. . .and then allow him to have reign over my life. That's what's supposed to happen in this relationship after all - he's first and all else falls in line after that.

Lord, fill me with the goodness of your presence and mercy and make me clean so that I can be used by you. I ache for everything in my future, but sometimes I don't ever see how any of it could be real. Help me to rest in your plans and walk in your ways, because they are good