A silence overwhelms dull echos
I saw a trainwreck in my head, and like reality
I could not bring myself to look away

I haven't been overcome in a long while
And I haven't overcome in forever
As I lie in wait for the one to come

And pull me from the wreckage
Of this baggage that I did not wish to take
The shrapnel of peace is pervasive

And the blood of forgiveness flows freely
From veins that have always longed to bleed as such
And tears flow from truely repentant eyes

If nothing else, I would hope that those who
Would claim to know me well knew me well
Enough to know that I am so very cynical

That I am so very confrontational
That I am so very emotional
That I am so very reckless

But the recklessness can't pull me from the wreckage
And so, swallowing my pride, I bite down
And beg anyone to help, knowing that I'll get what I deserve.

( Thank you for your goodness,
And for your mercy that abounds,
And for freeing me from the weight of my sin . )

- "Untitled" by Stefan Taylor

This was written after seeing that video today in Introduction to Mass Communication. It was powerful and very well done.

Lately, I've been coming to terms with exactly what I want out of life and I truely want it to be where when I die, there would be no doubt in anyone's mind as to what my purpose is or who I was.

I am who I am in Christ, and nothing else.

Lately, I've been feeling that that was lacking. I just told Megan the other day that I felt like I haven't spoken any words of life or encougagement to anyone lately, and the messages that I've been hearing from pastors and in class have really had an effect on me. First, I've been letting my studying the Bible in class replace my daily walk with God. I feel really stupid about it too, but I don't need to sit around and sulk, I just need to get back in step and try my best to make up for lost time. Secondly, I was really, really humbled by what Megan said to me on Saturday. It scared me at first because I thought that she had given those things up before, but then it really humbled me. I've never realized exactly how God has used me and now I'm having the love of my life sit here and tell me what He's done for her through me. It blew me away. Needless to say, I feel like there is something inside of me that is growing and building. I want to be better for the future and I've been lazy and slack. If I want God to use me, I need to start being intentional. I need to meet people where I can and serve anywhere I can. I don't need to forget who I am otherwise I'm just as bad off as someone who doesn't know the things that I know. Lastly though, I need to remember not to let my head get in the way of my heart and the Spirit. Beleif in the facts isn't enough, it takes submiting to God. After all, beleif in facts is what lead me to an emotional experiance when I got "saved" at Clydes. . .and sure, there was some minimal 'growth' in the way of activities and such, but I didn't know Jesus and he wasn't in any part of my life. But Jesus doesn't need to be a part of my life, he needs to be my life.

Lord Jesus, I thank you for your mercy and your lovingkindness. I can't fathom the depths of your love and I have no idea why you would choose to spare me and make me one of your own. Thank you for the cross and for blotting out everything. I thank you for Megan and for blessing us with a deep friendship. I pray that you would help us as we discover who we are in you together and that you would help us to encourage each other constantly and push each other to be better people. I love you so much and I thank you for everything. Help me to praise your name and worship in spirit and in truth. Amen.